I hate bullying. I loathe bullies even more. I was bullied, both as a child and as a teen. It turned me into a misanthropist unfortunately – and to this day, I still have trust issues as a result of the bullying. Bullies are typically ignorant, always jealous & envious, and very lacking in self-esteem. It makes them feel big and important and special to pick on others, which is why they do it. Many bullies are quite big physically, so they use their strength to dominate those who are smaller and weaker.
I have a light complexion, my eyes are hazel brown, and I don’t have what one White woman called ‘the features of a Negro’ other than my kinky naps. I always used to hear the whispers: “Is she Black or White?” usually from other Black kids but once or twice from Whites. I hated that. I also detested being called ‘Whitey’, ‘White Girl’, ‘Yellow’ and ‘Redbone’ by other Blacks. This made me feel as if I did not belong and for years, I would check the ‘Other’ box on applications and other questionnaires as I did not wish to be associated with a group of people who would exclude me because of my color.
I abhorred being around Black people, especially if they were milk chocolate hued or darker. I always felt that they were 1) jealous of me because I was light-skinned; 2) didn’t like me because I was light; or 3) disliked me because I had ‘gray’ eyes, as Black people usually referred to my hazel orbs. Once I actually had an envious little bitch tell me to my face that she didn’t like me because my skin was so light! She told me, “I’m jealous of you because you’re light-skinned.” WHAT?!?
At any rate, there was a stretch of time during my teen years when I was bullied because of my looks. I wasn’t the only student that was picked on – my brother, who is also light-skinned, as well as his friend, a former Michael Jackson impersonator who didn’t really resemble the late King of Pop, unless you count that role he played in the abominable musical The Wiz – were all teased. My brother was called Prince – yes, after the late Prince Rogers Nelson – and I was known as Vanity, after the late Denise Matthews, even though I never looked anything like Vanity (or Apollonia for that matter).
I absolutely despised going to school because of the bullying and the picking and the teasing and the taunting. Eventually, I dropped out and obtained my GED. I shied away from continuing with my education because I believed that I would also be bullied in college. If there had been an online K-12 when I was growing up, I definitely would have been an online student. I did finally attend community college but I quit, not due to bullying but because I just had a bad taste in my mouth as far as traditional education goes. All that picking, teasing, and taunting really fucked me over. To this day, I cannot stand teenagers or even younger kids, and I find it difficult to trust people.
Even adults can be bullies, if you have ever watched the ID show Fear Thy Neighbor you would know what I’m talking about. It is mind blowing how childish, redneck, ghetto, and utterly insane some people can be. One reason I would prefer to move way out in the hinterlands away from the cities is because of people and their penchant for violence. This show has opened my eyes to the reality of cutthroat Whites who behave like they are the descendants of the Hatfields & the McCoys.
I’m glad I am at a point in my life where what the sheeple think of me, write about me, say about me, or post about me does not matter. Not at all. Go find someone else to pick on, bullies – better yet, why don’t you try looking in the mirror and picking on that person you see reflected there. That’s where your hatred stems from – your inability to love yourself.