I got the channel Destination America free for 2 weeks and The Demon Files was on so I decided to have a look to find out what these ‘paranormal investigators’ were up to. I found it to be your typical series, full of self-promoting crap and ‘expert’ bullshit and the fact most of the team are males – and White to boot – just makes me suspect the usual is going on: fake shit passed off as ‘real’ and sheeple tuning in, totally believing it as they always do.

The Demon Files is the brain child of ex-cop turned author (Deliver Us From Evil, a book so boring that I passed on it when I came across a copy in a local used bookstore) now demonologist, Ralph Sarchie. Sarchie has the normal New York City attitude and despicable accent, the type of guy whom if I met him in real life, I’d turn tail and run in the opposite direction as fast as I could. (I’m prejudiced against New Yorkers for obvious reasons.) From my past research, only ordained clergy or Jesuits or such can become trained demonologists, and the fact that Sarchie claims to be one is wholly suspect. It is apparent that this guy is the usual self-promoting con man, and an asshole into the bargain,

Ralph Sarchie’s life is divided between two very different worlds. In one he’s a decorated sergeant for the N.Y.P.D. who proudly protected and served his city for over 18 years. In the other he’s a highly regarded demonologist, helping real American families who fear they may be threatened by the demonic. His book, Beware the Night, details how he uses his cop-hardened savvy to combat supernatural evil at every turn and served as the inspiration for the 2014 movie Deliver Us from Evil. Now, in “The Demon Files,” Sarchie and his team travel across the country meeting with people apparently suffering from demonic activity.

If you were thinking that The Demon Files sounds a lot like The Dead Files from the Travel Channel, you are correct but they are closer to Ghost Hunters than Steve Di Schiavi and Amy Allen, though with that disgusting New York attitude coloring every investigation. I watched a few episodes and I really thought it was rather boring, other than Sarchie’s smart aleck remarks – there were the usual fake incidents with someone going “What was that?” and supposedly paranormal phenomena that you can tell easily was the action of one of the team members, fake EVPs and all. The most interesting episode was the one were Sarchie and his guys, who look like a bunch of ex-Marines or Navy Seals, discovered that the family was faking the ghostly activity for fame and fortune. 

Apparently, Sarchie and his band of godly demon slayers believe that there are actual demons running rampant in America, infesting our homes and invading our businesses and ruining our lives. Sounds a lot like the late Ed Warren and the eternal Lorraine Warren…

Get real, people. There are no freaking demons – other than your friendly neighborhood sociopath or the guy down the road who drowns his dog’s puppies, or the woman on the next street who chases little kids out of her yard screaming and cursing. Demons live in the nation’s prisons where they ought to be, having killed someone or raped someone or whatever they did to get there, not in normal homes. There are no demons, there is no Satan, there are no angels, and there is no God. Stop all that self-glorification and go find yourselves a real job. These channels need to stop all the ‘paranormal’ crap too because there is no such thing and I will prove it to you one day soon. It’s all fantasy damn it!

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