I started back with group therapy – yes, even the Shit Talker needs a bit of advice from other crazies – and the other day, one of the female participants had a complete melt down. I understand how she feels totally. I may end up having a nervous breakdown and when I do, the world will know about it.
There were at least 20 people other than the facilitator, and he’s mentally ill himself. There are trained counselors available for those who need them, however, and this lady definitely needed them. All of them, as it turned out. She said that she simply couldn’t see her way out of the dark hole she found herself in, and I could wholly empathize – and I rarely feel any empathy for others, I am far too numb inside and out.
Don’t you ever have one of those days when you just can’t envision a joyful ending? It’s like that for me most of the time. I may as well admit it – I am not the most pleasant person you will meet, and I am damn sure not jolly. I probably have not been truly happy since I was a child, before my beloved maternal grandfather passed away. After he left my life, I began having serious issues with depression but it wasn’t diagnosed until I was in my teens; seventeen, in fact.
I have been prescribed all sorts of anti depressants and, more recently, pills to help with my anxiety. None of that stuff works for me, which has made me wonder at times if I might not be possessed…I am earnest when I confess to you that I had begun to believe that a devil may have taken over my mind and my body. I think being Bipolar makes one think that way, because you certainly behave at times as if you are under attack by demonic forces.
Being in group therapy reinforces my beliefs that there are more mentally unstable people out there than normal (whatever the hell that means), and that being around one’s deranged peers is probably more beneficial than harmful. After all, I now realize that I do not want to have a collapse in front of other people. I am much too private to behave that way; I would rather go the ER and explain my odd thoughts and weird behavior there than do so in front of a bunch of other lunatics.
The current political upheaval here in the United States may cause a great many to feel as if this entire country is experiencing a complete mental breakdown. That might be the case. A vengeful, narcissistic, misogynistic bigot has been elected to the most powerful position in the country. There may be more psychopaths walking the streets than ever before now that the unthinkable has occurred bur only time will tell if my prediction proves correct. So far, with the rioting and the angry demands for a change in the Electoral College from all the pissed off Liberals and youth who weren’t even old enough to vote, I see madness in place already. America the nutty.