I know that I become easily enraged and usually over something so insignificant, I often wonder why it made me angry in the first place. I road rage, I flip my lid whenever my boyfriend says something I find disagreeable, and I get infuriated at the least little thing the animals do, whether it’s one of the cats puking up a hairball, or one of the dogs barking too much. I try to calm myself down but before I know it, I am flying off the handle for no true reason and afterwards I always feel like a rotten bitch.

My untreated bipolar disorder is partly to blame but I don’t think it’s wholly the issue. There is some other deep, underlying problem I am suffering from that causes my ire. I was told by a therapist that my constant insomnia is probably to blame, and that may be true. Yet I believe there’s something else that is bothering me, and I hope to learn what it is when the date of my doctor’s appointment finally is here. I really need to be on some type of medication because my coping skills are sorely lacking.

There are many websites with excellent advice  on how to manage one’s anger. Several tips include:

  1. Learning to think before you speak
  2. Getting some exercise
  3. Taking a timeout
  4. Using humor to release your tension
  5. Practicing relaxation skills
  6. Using ‘I’ statements to avoid blame
  7. Being forgiving
  8. Better communication
  9. Changing your environment
  10. Problem solving

Anger is a healthy emotion but it becomes a dreaded issue when one has to vent every day (and for me, sometimes more than once). You ‘see red’, your stomach muscles get all in knots, you clench your teeth and ball your hands into fists, you get all hot and bothered, and your breathing quickens while your heart starts to race. Anger is not a pretty sight, and I know that’s true for everyone. You never see a pretty face filled with rage – hell, the most beautiful of us become truly ugly when we’re angry.
My uncontrolled anger has led to me quitting jobs, yelling at the animals (who do not deserve such treatment and after quite frightened by it), demeaning my boyfriend, falling out with family members, and being a general asshole. I long to be a better person, with a different personality, but until I learn how to manage my anger, I fear that happiness and becoming a more giving woman is a goal that will remain as elusive as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

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