In my area, it’s common to see Black men – usually the type I refer to as losers – with fat, unattractive White women (what my aunt’s ex used to call ‘White men’s rejects’). You don’t see the other pairings as much, like White men with Asian women, or Hispanic with non-Hispanic, Black men with Asian women, or Asian men with Black women. You do see White men with Black women though this isn’t as common either. White men are widely believed to not find Black women attractive, though this is hardly the case. I have met White men who actually prefer to date Black or biracial women, or any women of color versus White women. In fact, I can barely recall how many White men I’ve known who exclusively dated non-White women. There has been so many!
It seems to me, specially here in the South, that the biggest interracial taboo is no longer Black men with White women. It’s White men with Black women.
I have dated Black men, Hispanic men, White men…and hands down, the worst men I ever dated were the Blacks. They were cheap, cared only for their vehicles and their 40 ounces, were sex crazed and never wanted to take me out, just sit watching TV and getting their buzz on. I broke up with the first after 1 month, and the second after about 2 months. The Hispanics were in between the Black men and the White men. They would go out to the movies and restaurants, but they too wanted to just fuck and then lie around watching films that were in Spanish with English subtitles. I dated the first one for about 3 months, and the second one about 4. I think the cultures were too different for me, and besides, the first one talked about babies all the time, a ‘little boy’ always…and he’d rub my belly when he said it. No thank you!
The first White guy I dated about 5 months, a long distance relationship really, and it became too much for us both as he had to drive an hour and a half one way just to come and see me. (At that time, I did not drive nor did I own a car.) The second one was also long distance, he actually lived overseas but he wanted to relocate to America. On my trip to Europe in 2010, I actually met him and…well, he began cyberstalking me when I told him that I wasn’t interested in him ‘that way’. I felt bad to do this after nearly 4 years of constant emails and instant messaging, but the dude was totally crazy and did not even work. He lived off of his parents and I sure as hell didn’t want him moving to America to try living off of me!
Now I am with my third White man, whom I’ve been dating for 3 years and living with for almost as long. We are now engaged. We’ve had our ups and downs, but he’s truly a good man at heart. He just cares too deeply – and he’s got some abandonment issues stemming from when his mother ‘couldn’t handle him’ as she put it, and sent him to live with his great-grandmother. When she passed away, he went to live with his father, whom he barely knew, because he didn’t want to live with his mother and her new husband, whom he didn’t get along with. We met at culinary class where I was ‘chased’ by 3 other guys, 2 of them Black, 1 Hispanic (but he wound up moving to Miami so…). I almost did not give my fiance a chance because 1) he’s short; 2) he has a past; 3) he admitted to having a substance abuse problem; and 4) he’s not visually appealing (having a snub nose and an Irish looking face even though he has no freckles).
But he’s a good man. He is good to me, when we aren’t having a row over the dogs or the cats or some other silly issue, and he is not as selfish as the Black men, nor is there a cultural barrier as there was with the Hispanics. He’s very redneck and I used to be embarrassed to be seen in public with him as a result, but that has finally faded away. We don’t get as many stares as we used to (and these came mostly from older Black men – and sometimes the women – anyway). There were minor problems with the parents – my mother would get drunk and text nasty messages about him being White, but she was doing the same to my brother and my sister, whose boyfriend was a drug dealer – but our relationship survived the earthquakes. So far, so good.
I don’t know if it’s the history behind White men/Black women relationships or what, but this is one interracial duo that gets ‘the look’ – particularly from older Blacks. For some reason, Black men feel that they can get all the White women they want, but when it comes to Black women being with White men, that irks the hell out of them. One reason I’m eager to get out of the South is because of our relationship. I know we would be more accepted somewhere else, such as the West Coast. where such relationships aren’t viewed in a negative manner the way they are in the land of the Rebel Flag. In Dixie, it’s just too much of a struggle with uncomfortable feelings, fending off ignorant questions (usually about African textured hair), those inquiring stares, and the fear of being or not being accepted. I’m tired of all that. This is 2017, not 1917!
There are going to more interracial pairings as the world marches on, so get over your prejudices and deal with it!
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